Summer Jokes Thread

Re: Summer Jokes Thread

King Prawn Bhuna 24 Jun 2019 13:23 pm said..

1. Just ate a frozen apple. Hardcore.
2. Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday. Huge mistake.
3. I've started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are going through the roof.
4. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
5. I tried to catch some fog today but I mist.
6. I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
7. Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention. Laughed more than I thought.
8. Just watched a wildlife documentary on beavers. Best dam programme I've seen in a long time.
9. Jokes about German sausage are the Wurst.
10. I was trying to explain puns to my kleptomaniac friend today, but she kept taking things literally.
11. I stole a rabbit today. Then I had to make a run for it.
12. A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore
13. I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
14. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
15. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
16. Just watched a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting.
17. I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms, but I’m over it now. Happy Days.
18. My wife's working in a bowling alley.
Ten pin?
No, permanent.
19. I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I didn't stop singing 'I'm A Believer'. Then I saw her face.
20. How do you approach an angry Welsh cheese? Caerphilly.
Here's to the nights I'll never remember with the friends I'll never forget...
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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

Lurker 24 Jun 2019 13:38 pm said..

21. The Grim Reaper came for me last night and I beat him off with my vacuum cleaner - talk about Dyson with death.
22. I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
23. Bought some "rocket salad" yesterday but it went off before I could eat it
24. Just back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

The Shuthonger One 24 Jun 2019 17:01 pm said..

KPB and Lurker when I show my brother these jokes he will be creaming himself. Will be copied to a lot of social media!
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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

HKC 24 Jun 2019 17:37 pm said..

The Shuthonger One wrote:KPB and Lurker when I show my brother these jokes he will be creaming himself. Will be copied to a lot of social media!


They weren't that good!! :shock:

On the innuendo front... I found an origami porn channel, but it's paper view only.
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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

The Shuthonger One 24 Jun 2019 18:16 pm said..

You do not know my brother!
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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

spaman 24 Jun 2019 20:45 pm said..

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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

King Prawn Bhuna 25 Jun 2019 11:27 am said..

The Shuthonger One wrote:KPB and Lurker when I show my brother these jokes he will be creaming himself. Will be copied to a lot of social media!


Now I do know your brother :D he's probably already seen them...that's where they came from :oops:
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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

Lurker 26 Jun 2019 10:35 am said..

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said “40”
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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

Lurker 26 Jun 2019 10:37 am said..

I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it .......
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Re: Summer Jokes Thread

Lurker 26 Jun 2019 10:40 am said..

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Ever noticed that glass tastes like blood?

My friends say there’s a gay guy in our circle of friends… I really hope it’s Todd, he’s cute.

I’ve been told I’m condescending (that means I talk down to people)
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